It's been a while... This is a huge problem, but a major part of why I don't post often is because I'm afraid of posting things without a good topic to speak about. Do people bother reading long ass blogposts anymore? I don't know.
Ever felt like you couldn't change the way you act, or your style because that's the way you're already 'perceived' on the outside? The past couple of months had been spent on recreating, or rather, improving myself from the inside out.
A constant work in progress.
Read on to see how I've been tryna get of this style + emotional rut.
The first year in Polytechnic I seemed to have built up a wall.
It wasn't exactly a facade, I just wanted to be portrayed as the serious 'go-getter' type. It didn't occur to me that it would affect relationships around me and I had difficulties connecting in ways I thought would be genuine.
It was weird when I wanted to open up, to loosen up and simply show the more carefree side of myself. Felt like I was restrained, because a mould had already been built up with my bare hands and changing up this mould that people are used to seeing would just be... weird.
There was a period of time whereby I only wore black & white, don't get me wrong - it's still my fav combinations but it's been getting slightly uninteresting. Whenever I posted something that doesn't match the deemed 'aesthetic' of my page, I would lose a few followers and that scared me.
Long story short: I prevented myself from trying new things, from showing other sides of myself because I was afraid people didn't like it, or could not accept it.
But I wanted a change. I wanted versatility. I wanted to the liberty to portray whichever side of Ohnanaz as I deemed fit. She could be girly, she could be bad, fierce, quirky, masculine - whatever she wanted to be. I wanted to be able to show different sides of Leona and Ohnanaz could create content based on all of that.
There are so many sides to us humans and what a shame it would be to be restricted to a specific 'image'. Do you feel me? To all of you out there struggling with the same problem - I say: Fuck that, fuck what they think. We're all still learning, so build yourself up (in positive ways ya) and recreate yourself as many times as you want.
Wearing: Pomelo Ripped Denim | Jeffrey Campbell Scully
Been cooking up collaborations with Pomelo Fashion & I'm so excited because they've given me great opportunities to up my styling game. Keep watching this space for more!
Till the next time,
xx
Photography by Orsqr, edits by yours truly.